relationships-advice

Relationship commitment. A lifelong goal for some, and others, a thought that puts shivers down their spine. While many would love to settle down and grow closer to someone over a period of years, the thrill of the chase is much more satisfying for everyone else.

Growing up, meeting someone, and getting married is a natural progression for most of the population. Albeit a dwindling past time now in the twenty first century. Marriage is becoming less popular while divorce rates increase periodically. Looking for Mr or Mrs right, finding them, and settling down, and bring up a family is a fantastically rewarding experience.

Meeting the right person is a must for this to be a lifelong enjoyable experience. Does the person want the same things out of life, and will they be willing to go that extra mile to get them. Are they genuine in everything they say? Trust is a major factor in any relationship. When someone says “I love you”, they have to mean it. No relationship can be a long term happy affair if one of you doesn’t mean this when they say it.

The relationship doesn’t have to be based on a contract, you just need the spark to be sustained throughout. It has to stay as fresh as the first few weeks or months. If boredom has a chance of setting in, that’s when the relationship can break down. Keep the romance alive, continue to do the things that you do in the early days of your relationship. Leave little notes for your partner, and bring a gift when you arrive home from work.

If problems occur they have to be discussed as soon as possible. Letting something brew for a period of time will only magnify it. The sooner a problem is talked about the more chance you have of getting it resolved, then the relationship can continue.

Relationship commitment is a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, and many rewards at the same time. Nothing can be more satisfying than raising a family, and growing old with a loving partner. This is something the thrill chasers will surely miss out on, either by never committing to anything, or giving up just when it starts to serious.

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We acquire our values from different sources. In the beginning our values are given to us by our parents. Speak truth, help others, do this and do not do that and things like that. After sometime, we get more values in our education. We read about values of great people and try to live by some of them. Our religion gives us many values. How to live, what is right, what is wrong and what is allowed, what is not allowed are some values that we get from the religion? Today if you observe the difference between pro and anti abortion lobbies, you will find a values conflict. In your relationship, have you found out values of your partner? Have you spelled out your values?

Values are dear to us. For some of us, values are very dear. It is found that some people even give away their life to safe guard their values. Such value contradiction can play havoc with your relationship. Some of us sympathize with poor and try to help them, while others opine that poor need not be helped, as it is their karma that is giving them this pain. Let them suffer. This singular value difference can kill your relationship, if you both are not ready to compromise on them.

Please talk to your partner about your values in the beginning of the relationship. Spell out your values very clearly and be honest that you will not compromise on any of them. Let your partner do the same. Compare the values and discuss the differences. Decide at that point about the relationship. Both of you should be aware that the difference can kill the relationship in future. Take any step forward only after this value comparison.

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When you know that you have found the perfect woman for you, make sure that she feels the same about you. You are crazy about her and want to make her feel happy with you, that’s why you are ready to make all the sacrifices to impress her, to show her how much you care about her, or to not permit that routine to come into your relationship.

With all this sacrifices to show her your feelings, to keep your relationship as cool as it was at the beginning, you feel that you have to make something more interesting. That’s why you should induce “magic “ into your relationship even if you are hopeless romantic or not. To add more intimacy, love, understanding and compassion in any relationship is always welcome.

So, here are some magical things to do in order to impress your partner in a good way and increase your relationship:

1.Surprise her by taking her lunch and coffee at bed right after she woke up; if you didn’t do this before she will definitely be impressed; also cooking a pizza for her and cut it in a heart shape it is very romantic; a woman will always find interesting a man who is able to cook for her, no matter what kind of food it is; even if it wouldn’t be too tasty, she will appreciate that you have tried.

2.Set up a picnic in the park; even it is an usually day, prepare all you need for a picnic, go get your girlfriend and go for a walk; don’t tell her from the beginning what you plan to, let it be a surprise; a ‘ going out’ at a picnic in the fresh air is always welcome and relaxing.

3.Send her flowers anytime and anywhere, that is unexpected; women love flowers, so sending her flowers without any reason will demonstrate her that you really care about and make her feel loved and special; the most probably that she will answer you with the same love you show her.

4.Fill her apartment with balloons or something she likes, maybe it’s a crazy idea, but it usually works to impress girls; it will be seen as a funny thing by your partner and remember that some fun is necessary in any relationship.

5.If you are good at writing, write her a poem, or create a book for her with a special dedication; this will definitely work if she love poems; don’t begin to write a poem only if you know that you are good at it, other way you will screw up.

6.Reading romantic poetry in the middle of the living room on a blanket in soft candlelight, it is a very good way to offer your partner a wonderful evening; women are often more romantic than men, that’s why they like to be surprised by men with romantic ideas.

7.Massages are always magic when done right; buying different flavored edible bars to experiment with each other can be more surprising; but if you are not good at making massage, go to a spa together and get a couples massage together.

8.Go for a romantic meal; make reservations at a beautiful restaurant and create a romantic atmosphere with candles, roses and slow music; offer her a night to never forget.

9.Going for a walk at night and looking at the stars and moon is almost such romantic as the restaurant, and is cheapest; so it is not necessary to have a lot of money to offer your partner a lovely evening; it can be very interesting.

10.If you can afford it, take her in holiday in an exotic place, like a beautiful island, only you two alone, with sunshine and plenty of water, where you will spend a wonderful time together, and will not be disturb by friends, family, relatives.

11.But, if you can’t afford to go in a exotic place, to the sea, there’s no problem; bubble baths together are always magic times;

12.Surprise visits; surprise her with your visits when she is not expecting at all; while you are able to surprise her in a good way, she will not
lose interest in you.

13.Don’t be afraid to talk sweet nothings into her ear; make the woman feel good by saying sweet and romantic things to her at any given time; as I  said, women love romance.

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A relationship should be like a flowing river. Fresh, moving around and finding ways around obstacles. Enjoying a relationship should never be like a still pond of water that just exists. A relationship should have life and should never be a compromise.

But many relationships become like a pond. They began like river but are now stationary wondering where to go, and whether to exist at all. But they continue existing without any pleasure. The main reason is the inability of partners to face the uncertainty of breaking the relationship.

The relationship continues because the partners don’t want to face the future alone. They are tired of it and worried that they will undergo more pain if they break the relationship. They neither try to refresh the relationship nor break it. There lies the heart of the matter.

What should they do? They should sit together, talk about the stagnation in the relationship, and talk about how to give it a new life. If they decide that it will not be possible, they should break up and look towards a better future. A relationship without pleasure will break up any way after some years. By that time, lot of time would have been lost and the discord would leave a very bad stamp of experience on both the partners. Better to control the disease in time.

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Relationship crises (break-up, affair, huge conflict, children problems) demand tremendous energy and often throw our lives off a healthy track - which further perpetuates our inability to respond in a healthy way to the crisis.

Don’t forget your body while you wrestle with a relationship or marital crisis.

It is easy to let yourself go. It is easy to postpone - I will start tomorrow - your walking, running or workout. Your preoccupation with the other person floods your life, leaving little room for anything else. Or, you find yourself so overwrought that it seems impossible to “talk yourself” into getting started.

But, exercise and nutrition are powerful tools to help yourself at this point. Here are 6 reasons why:

1. Exercise and attention to your nutrition shift your focus to you. Exclusive focus on the other person atrophies your spirit, your energy, productivity, your healthy emotions and your body. You fade. You diminish. You become less than you truly are. So much of my work with others is helping them begin to think about themselves and take action for themselves. This is a major move. And it can begin by focusing on your body. It is the best, most practical place to begin. Your body is basic. It is a huge part of you. Begin paying attention to it.

2. Focusing on the body, using it, stimulating it, making it stretch and sweat is a great way to reduce stress. I’m not an expert here, but I understand it kicks in healthy body chemicals and cleanses some of the toxins - calming your mind, heart and soul.

3. Your confidence grows as you begin to manage your body and see changes in its endurance, strength and beauty. You begin to think better thoughts about yourself. Self-care can result in a minor miracle in terms of your perception of yourself.

4. You will begin to think of yourself as more desirable and sexy. Your sense of sexiness may be at risk. It may be on the line. It may be called into question. Doubts abound. It is a complicated and powerful issue in our culture. (Watch a few commercials on TV.) Exercise and physical health cuts through the doubts. Being physically healthy is sexy. You feel more sexual and you become more desirable.

5. Physical fitness is one of the first steps to becoming highly attractive and exerting your personal power. Once you believe and act attractive, the power of the relationship or marital crisis will lessen in your life. It actually might seem rather juvenile. Yes, there is more to attractiveness than looking great. But, we begin by honing our body, working it and caring for it. This builds the foundation for other forms of attractiveness and personal power.

6. You assume control. You may feel, as a result of the relationship crisis in your life, that you have little control or influence. It seems to become a waiting game. You wait for the other person. This other person or the situation seemingly dictates your every move and thought. You feel paralyzed. When you begin to move your body, you take control. Getting on a great exercise, fitness program makes you the master of that part of your life. You are in control. That feels good. That is good.

Beginning an exercise/fitness program in the midst of a relationship crisis is easier said than done. Usually we need support, encouragement or some sort of structure to get us moving. We have good intentions, but the follow through is lacking.

You have no further to look than online. There are great sites on the web that help you get started, offer encouragement and resources and keep you motivated and on track. Take advantage of these resources

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I was watching him. Sometimes, he was giving a faint smile. Then he started looking at the ceiling and then started changing his feet position while sitting. After that he was sitting still for some more time. Then he got up and left the room.

Do you also observe your partner carefully? What do you know about what might be going in his/her mind? Can you predict about her/his thoughts? Many of us believe that we know about our partners and that we are very close. But if your partner sits across you and thinks of something with matching body movements, would you be able to guess about what was in his/her mind? I bet, most of you will fail. I feel very sad saying this, but the truth is that most of us will fail. Why do not you ask your partner to predict about what is in your mind? You will find out yourself. This is tragic for our relationships. Let me tell you how.

As long as the relationship is going very strong, nothing matters. But after few years, cracks appear for different reasons. Those who have the understanding about their partners mind can take care of that misunderstanding quickly. Others never get a hint that something is boiling. They realize only after a lot is lost.

Please find out more about each other when the going is good. Play this game of I guess, you guess regularly. This will help you more about understanding each other and will stop any crisis mid way.

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One of the challenges of even the strongest long-term relationship is the difficulty in keeping things fresh and new. We are creatures of habit, developing routines that work for us without our having to think about it. It allows us to move through fast-paced lives without having to make every little decision on a daily basis. We don’t want to stop and think about which sock to put on first, which way to drive to work, what kind of gas to put in our car, how to stack the dishwasher or fold our clothes.

Habits make life so much more simple that it frees up our energies to confront the big decisions and problems we have to face. However, habits also distance us from what we do because our mind is not engaged, When someone else points out that we “always” do something a certain way, we are amazed because we are unaware. Once we’ve moved beyond the adolescent and young adult experimentation phase, we tend to fall into the rut of wearing our hair a certain way, how we put on our makeup, the kind of television shows we watch, the choice of foods we eat, and the lifestyle we pursue.

That is why the sneaky marketing men aim their message at young age groups who are the ones most likely to try something different. The size and the purchasing power of the baby boomers may be extraordinarily large but they are seldom targeted by major advertising campaigns because they are comfortable with the choices they have made and are unlikely to really hear messages about alternatives in which they have little interest.

Within our lasting relationships, we also fall into habits. They range from unwavering go-to-bed-at-night and get-up-in-the-morning routines to the day of the week we go out, the restaurants we frequent, and the way we communicate (or fail to communicate) with each other. We are so used to being around our partner that, despite the affection we may feel, we stop seeing each other with the wonder and appreciation we felt in those first heady months.

Shaking up our lives by dumping old habits can make us feel younger and alive. Changing our appearance, even a few times a month, makes us look at each other through new eyes and makes us focus on each other in a different way.

Women can more easily and radically change their looks because female hairstyles are so much more varied than those of men. A wig (or several), in a totally different color, with appropriate makeup adjustments, can affect your response to each other. A man can temporarily grow a moustache, a beard, or sideburns, and elicit new attention from his surprised wife. An outrageous new piece of clothing for a special date can transform your interaction with each other.

Many of us love costume parties whether something dramatic at Halloween or an only-black-and-white graphics event or a get together with friends wearing the clothes we loved in high school.

Be creative! If you usually dine out in business attire, get some cowboy gear and go to a western saloon for some line dancing. If your usual night out is at a bowling alley, dress to the nines and have a drink at the most expensive hotel in your area, rubbing shoulders with the movers and shakers. Try a latino nightclub, hot dogs on the pier, or drinks with fruit and little umbrellas at a sushi bar. Dress in your skuzziest clothes and visit a luxury car showroom to laugh at the consternation you cause. Use that tux you rented for your niece’s wedding when you visit the local pizza parlor and see the buzz you create.

The city of Las Vegas has a wonderful ad campaign about “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” It speaks to our desire to do something totally different and outrageous to escape the paralyzing pastry of our normalcy - but with the assurance that we can return without ill effects, no burned bridges forcing permanent change.

Shaking up our appearance can shake up our partner and our mutual interactions. Do it for the excitement and do it for the fun. As another ad campaign suggests, “Just do it.”

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From what one reads in forums on relationships, it seems that most of the relationships manage to give more pain than joy after some time. The rise in divorce rates is an indicator to this. Why have relationship if that will give more pain than pleasure to both the partners? Do not you also ask this question? It is becoming so difficult to keep a healthy relationship that one feels that he/she is coming from one office to another office. Where is the home with freedom, acceptance and love?

Relationships are becoming ego problems. Communication needs to be guarded. Wishes have to be taken care of. Sacrifices have to be made. Individuality has to be killed. Compromises have to be made at every step. Even after making many compromises, the relationship may break. One feels broken after making so much effort and find that nothing was of any use. It seems that either most of us are getting caught up with wrong partners or the break-ups occur very fast.

When I watch children playing, birds flying and fish swimming so carelessly, I envy them. We adults have lost all the freedom because of relationships. Most of us at least have lost a lot that was individual. Why have relationships if they are expected to fail. Is it triumph of hope over reality as someone said? Even when we look around and find so many broken relationships, we tend to form new. After having repeated break-ups, we want more. Why do we do that, though we know that the result is more pain? What drives us to form new relationships? Why not live alone and enjoy the independence?

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Snap Out of Your Automatic Reactions and Create Presence, Joy and Fullness in Your Relationship!

You know those times when you’ve had a heated argument with your partner and are still feeling angry and resentful? You know that if you could only apologize or touch them tenderly, things could move on, but you just can’t let go of your anger!

* You KNOW, because you’ve heard it everywhere, that YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Right?
* Your partner doesn’t have the power to MAKE you angry or sad-no one can MAKE you feel any way except Y-O-U! Right?
* You have a CHOICE about how you react to what your partner does, right?

Rationally, you know this to be true, but why is it that you cannot control your emotions? Like clockwork, the very next time your partner comes through the door in the evening 30 minutes late, you are in an argument before the door closes.

Once the fight ensues, you don’t feel capable of choosing to stop and end the argument with an apology or an act of tenderness. Your automatic reactions have assumed control of you. You waste hours feeling furious instead of spending good time with the one you love. How often does this occur in your relationships?

CLIENT STORY: I want control over my reactions!

Linda used to find it impossible to let go of her anger and reach out with forgiveness to her husband directly after a heated argument. Why? Because once she automatically engaged her reaction of anger by complaining, insulting and blaming, she was no longer capable of choosing how to react. Her emotional response took on a life of it’s own!

What’s going on? Linda was not conditioned to consciously experience her feelings of anger-a normal human emotion. When sensations of anger arose in her body, her programming kicked in and she automatically placed responsibility for her anger onto someone or something else. Once Linda began reacting to her feelings of anger by projecting them outwardly, she began a vicious cycle of anger and regret.

I helped Linda with the four easy steps of the SNAP Out Of It NOW! Method. Linda learned to:

1. Acknowledged that she was stuck in negative thinking (about what it means when her husband comes home late), and that she was unconsciously reacting (complaining and blaming) to her own negative thought patterns.
2. Experience herself reacting-to really think about and to fully become aware of her reactions and their consequences (no-win situation leaving her feeling empty and her husband unhappy).
3. Sense the feeling within her body (heat rising in chest) that was provoking the impulse to react with blaming.
4. Breathe with focused intention with the feeling inside. As she breathed, the feeling dissipated and she no longer felt controlled by her automatic “angry” reaction.

Linda discovered how to quiet her mind and how to connect with and experience her feelings. When she acknowledged and experienced the feelings within her, she no longer felt the impulse to react with blame toward her husband.

After 3 sessions, Linda said to me, “I am no longer controlled by my feelings of anger. As I breathe to the sensation of heat rising in my chest, the sensation dissipates and I am back in control. I feel better about myself and I actually look forward to seeing my husband when he comes home. If he comes home later than expected I find something to do to fill the time.” Linda began to feel appreciation for her husband rather than only anger and resentment.

Part of the stress in life is that feelings of anger and resentment get in the way of the desire to be present with the ones we love-whether they are parents, spouses, children or friends-and to create joy and fullness in our relationships.

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When you are with someone you really care about, how can you tell if that person is the one for you? How can you find out where your relationship stands? Are there any clues that could tell you if the relationship will lead into marriage?

Perhaps you are at the stage where you feel that you are ready to settle down and would like to know if the relationship is going anywhere. How do you find out if the person you are with is as committed to you as you are to him/her?

Below are some signs that could help you tell how serious and dedicated you and your partner are getting and how close you are into taking that next step:

1. You drop the “I” or “you” and start referring to each other as “we”.

2. There is no one else that you can imagine being with than him or her. They are starting to become the most important person in your life.

3. You catch yourself thinking about ways to please your partner rather than yourself.

4. You see yourselves growing old together, walking hand in hand along the shore, and taking care of each other.

5. You have fun imagining what your children and grandchildren will be like.

6. You start looking at money in a different way, like thinking about buying a house together, saving for a trip together, spending it on anything that you both can share.

7. You cancel dates with your friends and other people because you would rather spend time with him or her.

8. You start feeling tired of the single life and start thinking about getting married.

9. You feel strongly that it is very important for your family and your ’special someone’s’ parents to get along.

10. You start thinking and talking more about the future and your goals together

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